Tremulous Forum
Media => Other Tremulous Media => Topic started by: serve the overmind on February 14, 2009, 03:12:44 am
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a story about the aliens side of the war :dretch:
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DONT STOP OR ELSE SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN MY NAME IS GORDON FREEMAN I AM 30 WITH BROWN HAIR MY CORPORATION BEATS ME I LIVE UNDERGROUND WITH NO CONTACT WITH THE OUTSIDE I HAVE BAD EYES SO I WEAR GLASSES AND THERE ARE ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE I THINK EVERYONE IS DEAD IF YOU DON'T SEND THIS TO 15PPL B4 THE ALIENS TAKE OVER I WILL RAPE YOU THIS IS NOT A JOKE ILL LET U USE THE GRAVITY GUN
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chapter one.first contact:
The odd cruiser floated through space coming toward us without fear. the overmind :overmind: assigned to this quadrant had picked up signals coming from it and we were about to transmit back. the other Granger's :granger: moved around the cockpit of our interceptor cruiser and prepared the countdown to the contact. 3.2.1... open communications, the overmind said.
meanwhile on the human starship the communication screen flickered on. a horrible face appeared in it startling the humans. :dretch: it began to speak in a horrible low voice. "who are you" it said. one of the humans explained there race to the face all the while writing down attack orders to the imperial guns below. the weapons fired but the aliens sensing the attack tried to turn away. the plasma hit one of the engines and the ship careened wildly out of control, crashing into the humans and falling to the planet below.
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That was the worst chapter I have ever read...Some capital letters might help too
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1. Aliens do NOT talk to humans
2. Aliens do NOT actively use or build spaceships or any other form of machinery
3. Take a writer class or read, read, read, so you can atleast tell apart whats good and whats bad after you have written it
For reference, a well written story:
http://tremulous.net/forum/index.php?topic=10430.
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1. Aliens do NOT talk to humans
om does! When it goes up.
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ok, we all agree this has fail, but it has some win to it... try my story...