Tremulous Forum
Media => Other Tremulous Media => Topic started by: nekronuke on February 21, 2009, 05:40:48 pm
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warmth... move towards the warmth... cramped... why? why so cramped? escape! get out! the mother! hurt! protect! When i broke through the egg those were running through my mind. DEFEND MOTHER my brain went haywire... when i regained control, it was deathly quiet. i saw a soldier... it was looking at me and i shrank away from its gaze. cold suddenly. wheres mother!! i'm lost! i ran towards the warm greasy slime which meant safety. Warmth meant home. I was compelled to vomit near the door. so i did, and it began to grow. i was amazed, because when i sensed danger, it began to spew death everywhere. the danger screamed and ran. i was intrigued. i vomited once more to create another. suddenly a large soldier looked at me, and compelled me to follow. i saw a danger and it tackled it and devoured the screaming kicking danger alive. it told me to vomit here, but to think of birth. i did, and the most wondrous thing happened, and egg appeared, and the safety spread around it after it grew. i vomited protection around the egg, and they grew. mother was pleased with me.the large soldier regarded me with reverence and told me to think of a sealed passage, and vomit in the hallway, so i did.
it grew to block the passage! i did it again! success! mother was pleased and suddenly i felt bigger, and claw grew from my front. i could spit much farther than before, but my spit did not grow. i was confused. another worker revered me as a soldier, and i was amazedi saw a small soldier walk up a wall and tried... SUCCESS! i made protection on the cieling too! mother says its time to rest now, and it is getting cold... feeling tired....
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nice! I like it
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*vomits*
:D :grenade:
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thanks, read the crummy other alien story, thought maybe could use an upgrade. next chapter soon!
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lol'd :granger:
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That bit actually has some magic.
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that was a compliment right?
:D :grenade:
, next chapter tomorrow!
:turret: :turret: :granger:<- granger wins
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This was interesting at least. I can't say I ever thought of building as vomiting, but hey! It's original. ^_^
One thing that bothered me while reading the story was the overuse of the word "vomit". There are plenty of other words you could use! If you want it to have the same connotations, you could use "throw up" or "puke", but you could also use words like "spew" or "disgorge". Variety makes things more interesting.
Also, using capital letters every so often wouldn't go amiss. Good luck with chapter 2!
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thanks dretch, i assume everyone knew what i meant by the words i used... protection, dangers stuff like that... (protection=acidtube) (danger=human) and so on
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huh... :D
:granger: :grenade:
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Yeah, I figured out what you meant by those. In fact, I thought that was one of the better things about your story - that the reader needs to get into an alien mindset, and no explanations are provided for the humans among us. :P
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YAY! CHAPTER 2!!11!
Waking... cold... why cold? Mother, hurt... Dead? No, alone... mother dead, lost. soldiers everywhere; no moveparts, no thinkparts. What happened? Deathspew on walls, on top place. Dangers dead. i see danger moveparts in mouth of great warrior. Dead. All dead, why? I hurt, metal in back from danger deathstick. Red, slick hall, move toward dangers hive. The Hive the dangers live in has living deathsticks in front and a spinning mother, a silent mother, no speaking to us, or them. I walk past the living deathsticks to see their mother dead. Glowing life gone. Is this the Fight the soldier spoke of? I am confused... why all dead? I live, coming from sleep place in hole in top of mother, with spinning death and cool winds. Dead danger means food. Many dead dangers means many foods. Before mother death, she spoke of great safety in top place after dead dangers. If dead dangers, then that means... safe place in top! i must go to top place! maybe new mother there? I do not know, but eggs gone, protection tubes gone, soldiers dead. Fight is bad, terrible, all die in fight? why mothers must die in fight, why no all live in fight? I see hole in wall goes up, so i follow. I see spinning death! No! way blocked! So angry, what is touching me! strings, BITE STRINGS! What is this, it appears even the spinning death dies in fight! Now i'm in top place. Its warm. safety on floor... I SEE EGG! its on ceiling! Oh happy, so happy, and, whats this... MOTHER! she says she pleased to see me safe, and, oh joyous occasion, i see soldiers, great and small! oh, mother says sleep time from long work, i go to hole in top place...
woohoo chapter 2, give your criticisms raw please
:turret: :turret: :granger:<-winner
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im assuming no one has read this yet, and im gonna say, this ones a bit more confusing to the average person... enjoy
NO MOTHERS DAE-UD!!11! OH NOES!
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I love the rambling style.
Let my try a dretch.
Rush. Rush rush rush. Hunger drives us. Leave the cold food behind, behind us. Find the warm food. Where has it gone? Loud sounds, foolish food. Too visible. Too exposed. Warm food is what Mother wants. Another's tongue tastes warm food. There it is. We can smell it now. There! We can taste it.
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?? i was thinking about starting LOAD when i finish LOAG... (the granger evos) !SPOILER!
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(http://www.eso-garden.com/specials/ancient_observatories/angkorWat.jpg)
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Arch: Don't spam. LOAD = life of a dretch obviously.
nekronuke: nice story, keep it up!
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(http://www.eso-garden.com/specials/ancient_observatories/angkorWat.jpg)
WHAT IS THAT!!!!11!
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It is a Wat. The Angkor one, to be exact.
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Oo drain bamage, why post this? wtf, off topic, someone kill it with a high powered rifle, we're already almost 2 pages!
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Well, certainly different. I like it. :granger:
EDIT: Come on dude, MOAR CONTENTZ!!!
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I want to see an U83R 1337 PWN4G3 dretch that evolves to a tyrant throughout the storyline
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YOU ARE SERIOUSLY DOUBLING OR TRIPLING THE NOUGAT.
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Cute :granger:
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guess whos back!
cold... hurt... everywheres hurting. holes in sides.what happened? oh, pain. agh, my sides splitting ,ack.... whats this? ive crawled from myself. i feel more... aware. but smaller, faster... hmmm. this is odd. a dead worker in front of me? where is the mother? suddenly... DANGER! PAIN! DANGER! FEAR! HATE! KILL! flooding my head... MUST KILL! i see two leggers. i jump on the tall one with shoot things. his thinkparts fall off. taste... good. the other runs. i stop him by taking off his twolegs. hear the deathscream of another. KILL TWOLEGGERS! ATTACK! FURY! HATRED! FLAIL! FLAY! MAUL! they twoleggers dead. taste blood in my mouth. taste... good. twoleggers have good taste. agh, back of head... on fire... shootsticks at mother! KILL TWOLEGGERS!KILL TWOLEGGERS!KILL TWOLEGGERS!KILL TWOLEGGERS! there is twolegger blood everywhere. did i do this? oh. see big one. he do this... feel... tired... must KILL TWOLEGGERS! but tired... sleep KILL TWOLEGGERS!... agh pounding head and must KILL TWOLEGGERS! sleep! ack i.. must sleep KILL TWOLEGGERS! oh...
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his thinkparts fall off
:police:
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its called headbite! YAY!
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If you bite off their 2 legs are they still two leggers? ;)
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If you bite off their 2 legs are they still two leggers? ;)
More like "Two Lagger" ;-)
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still working on next chapter, and they aren't two leggers if you tear there legs of. they are the poor noobs that somehow got killed by a regular granger
:granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger: :granger:
PUT YOUR HANDS UP! THIS IS THE GRANGER ACTION FORCE! I WILL (ztype)ING RAPE YOU WITH CREEP! PUT YOUR MOTHER(ztype)ING HANDS UP! oh damn he got away...