Tremulous Forum
Media => Other Tremulous Media => Topic started by: Supertanker on May 28, 2009, 09:35:52 am
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Exciting stuff so far ;D can't wait for more!
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:D
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Very nice.. as usual.
Please update your signature to point to the right URL.
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D'oh, yeah, I should do that.
I should get the site working first though.
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Good read :). Keep going!
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Pointed sticks for the skewering of dretches to cook with the flamer later? ;D
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Maybe. ;)
I hear they taste like giant roasted marshmellows, just remember to take off the legs first. They don't go down well.
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Maybe. ;)
I hear they taste like giant roasted marshmellows, just remember to take off the legs first. They don't go down well.
Not surprising humans have resorted to this. Marshmellow supplies run out fast with so much continuous camping. ::)
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Well, what did you expect? Since all the humans are cloned male soldiers, they never run out of sticks. Of course they'd need marshmellows and things to occupy their time while they're camping.
Like singing:
(To be sang to Home on the Range)
'Nade, 'nade of my own!
As we sing and TK all day long!
And the aliens fear our base to be near
And every second we moan!
I love to sit in the same spot all the time!
While the aliens, they plot and they play!
I never help out, I'm a lazy lout,
And my teammates, they call me gay!
'Nade, 'nade of my own!
From the room we never from roam
I love to press enter and watch armories splinter
When I toss that grenade at my own!
Spamming with binds is so very fun!
While my teammates, they bitch and moan
And with our heads, Aliens become well fed
They reach S3 and we groan!
'Nade, 'nade of my own!
In the hallways of ATCS
I go out alone and then I get blown
Even though I am the best!
(CHEATERS! HACKERS)
I don't speak English so fine!
But regardless the server is mine!
I spam and I camp and I vote for bad maps
And end up crossing the line!
'Nade, 'nade of my own!
From the server I finally get banned
But that's not fair, it was just hot air!
But the players, they are all glad!
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More story its god keep going! :armoury: emregeny weapons? cool go on!
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More story its god keep going!
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CLAPTON IS GOD.
(Writing moar)
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Tastiness (http://www.kyle-brady.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/rockerjesus.jpg) IS (http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b207/Chibithewiseone/guitar_jesus.jpg) next to GOD (http://phailpail.com/images/videogames/guitarpraise6.jpg)liness (http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g123/dnaske/jesus_guitar.jpg).
ps maek maor pl0x
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Tastiness (http://www.kyle-brady.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/rockerjesus.jpg) IS (http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b207/Chibithewiseone/guitar_jesus.jpg) next to GOD (http://phailpail.com/images/videogames/guitarpraise6.jpg)liness (http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g123/dnaske/jesus_guitar.jpg).
ps maek maor pl0x
^^
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Hold your horses, I'm not a writing machine!
Mwa ha ha...I just came up with some awesome ideas.
TIME FOR IMPLEMENTATIONS.
FEEL FEAR.
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Not bad but: ,,,;,,,;,,;,;;,,,,
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The heck is ,,,;,,,;,,;,;;,,,,?
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The heck is ,,,;,,,;,,;,;;,,,,?
It's basically the same as ;,,,;,,,;,,;,;;,,,,,,
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I mean you have an excessive amount of commas and semicolons.
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Perhaps, but would you rather see a few instances more than usual of sentences connected with semicolons, or would you rather see me write a bunch of horrendously long run-on sentences, as they are apparently the expected standard of this board?
I'll keep an eye on it in the next chapter ;)
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I would rather not see sentences such as this:
"Coyote caught fleeting glimpses, impressions of razor-sharp claws oozing slime, fangs glistening with drool, ferocious eyes glinting with malevolence. The monster moved fast; inhumanly fast, impossibly fast, and Coyote fought to get clear long enough for a clean shot."
((Just trying to help you improve.))
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Thanks, I'll think about it. I did that on purpose to produce a more 'rushed' feel than, say, if I had separated the sentence with periods. I could have forgone punctuation in its entirety, but I think that'd have been worse.
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Thanks, I'll think about it. I did that on purpose to produce a more 'rushed' feel than, say, if I had separated the sentence with periods. I could have forgone punctuation in its entirety, but I think that'd have been worse.
I realize that you did this for the style of the story, but I think in this instance it is counter productive and ends up sounding somewhat amateurish. (No offense.)
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None taken; I'll try to work on it in the next chapter. Thanks!
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I personally do not find it objectionable, and if anything, I rather enjoy the rhythm and pacing. Just one correspondent's opinion, for what it's worth. Plus, I tend to write long sentences, include a lot of subordinate statements, and string together ideas and impressions like charms on a tennis bracelet, so I'm sympathetic to such utilization of commas and the like.
I'm just glad that this section of the forums has maintained a certain genteel air about it, where gentlemen can discuss such matters in a nurturing environment of civility and mutual respect. I salute you both.
Cheers
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Indeed, now if we could only get rid of
yarou the trolls that seem to enjoy saying "YOUR STORY SUCKS BALLSACK" and such, this forum would be a very nice place to write!
Ooops, I went over my allotted breaktime of 30 seconds. Must...finish...writing...!
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Using punctuation to amplify the pace worked for me. Using it to direct the readers attention or let it be so they can make up their own mind is more or less a matter of taste. Some might like it, some not.
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Like player1 said, what you wrote was perfectly fine, it's mostly just preference and I tend to think of lots of commas in a row being used by inexperienced people so it ends up bad. But if you can pull it off it can be nice too.
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This story is quite well put together.
+1
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Oh cognitive dissonance, I love you...
Sorry 'bout the lack of updates, all. I had to leave home on short notice for a week or so and forgot most of what I had planned. Rest assured that this story will be completed in a week or two, when I get access to my project files and notes again.
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Indeed, now if we could only get rid of yarou the trolls that seem to enjoy saying "YOUR STORY SUCKS BALLSACK" and such, this forum would be a very nice place to write!
Ooops, I went over my allotted breaktime of 30 seconds. Must...finish...writing...!
I feel cheated. He only said YOUR STORY SUCKS to me...what? am I not good enough to get the ballsack?
pshhhh
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Good post.
+1
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Stick to mapping, intellectual analysis is clearly not your forte.
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Stick to idiocy, intelligence is clearly not your forte.
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Oh, of course it isn't my forte. I find it exceedingly boring and so never practice it. Oh wah, I'm being attacked by a troll. Injustice, unfair, etc etc. Maybe I should go hide in a corner and whine and claim that True Art is Angsty.
Or maybe I should start remembering the storyline where everyone dies uh I mean where the grangers take over the Empire or maybe it was the one where there's hot tyrant-on-human action.
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I think you should Write a book for trem!
you could talk to the developers!
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The main question is "how many people would read a book for trem?"
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i certainty Would!
And many more players would its profits could be donated to Trem development!
And then mabye we will get 1.2? :basilisk:
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Don't be ridiculous, 1.2 is just an urban legend, to stop forum-goers complaining about the lack of updates.
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1.2 is soon.
+1 to this story. a read i enjoyed.
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A delicious short story. Very good read, well written. If you ever do a story collection, I recommend including this one. ^_^
Thumbs up from me!
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Nice! This chapter was little more fast-paced that the previous ones though which ruined some of the atmosphere. :-\
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I liked it. :(
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Yes, I did make this chapter a bit faster than the others. The ending was meant to slap the reader in the face, make them think, "Uh, what?"
Suppose it worked a little too well...
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Yes, I did make this chapter a bit faster than the others. The ending was meant to slap the reader in the face, make them think, "Uh, what?"
Suppose it worked a little too well...
No, it is fine. That's how short stories are supposed to work.