Coyote's Luck

[Supertanker]

Indeed, now if we could only get rid of yarou the trolls that seem to enjoy saying "YOUR STORY SUCKS BALLSACK" and such, this forum would be a very nice place to write!

Ooops, I went over my allotted breaktime of 30 seconds. Must...finish...writing...!

[Bissig]

Using punctuation to amplify the pace worked for me. Using it to direct the readers attention or let it be so they can make up their own mind is more or less a matter of taste. Some might like it, some not.

[mooseberry]

Like player1 said, what you wrote was perfectly fine, it's mostly just preference and I tend to think of lots of commas in a row being used by inexperienced people so it ends up bad. But if you can pull it off it can be nice too.

[Yarou]

This story is quite well put together.
+1

[Supertanker]

Oh cognitive dissonance, I love you...

Sorry 'bout the lack of updates, all. I had to leave home on short notice for a week or so and forgot most of what I had planned. Rest assured that this story will be completed in a week or two, when I get access to my project files and notes again.

[EpicDude86]

Indeed, now if we could only get rid of yarou the trolls that seem to enjoy saying "YOUR STORY SUCKS BALLSACK" and such, this forum would be a very nice place to write!

Ooops, I went over my allotted breaktime of 30 seconds. Must...finish...writing...!

I feel cheated. He only said YOUR STORY SUCKS to me...what? am I not good enough to get the ballsack?

pshhhh

[Supertanker]

Deleted. (If a mod sees this post, please delete this thread).

[Baconizer]

Good post.
+1

[Yarou]

Stick to mapping, intellectual analysis is clearly not your forte.

[Baconizer]

Stick to idiocy, intelligence is clearly not your forte.

[Supertanker]

Oh, of course it isn't my forte. I find it exceedingly boring and so never practice it. Oh wah, I'm being attacked by a troll. Injustice, unfair, etc etc. Maybe I should go hide in a corner and whine and claim that True Art is Angsty.

Or maybe I should start remembering the storyline where everyone dies uh I mean where the grangers take over the Empire or maybe it was the one where there's hot tyrant-on-human action.

[Repatition]

I think you should Write a book for trem!
you could talk to the developers!

[CreatureofHell]

The main question is "how many people would read a book for trem?"

[Repatition]

i certainty Would!

And many more players would its profits could be donated to Trem development!
And then mabye we will get 1.2?

[frazzler]

Don't be ridiculous, 1.2 is just an urban legend, to stop forum-goers complaining about the lack of updates.

[Archangel]

1.2 is soon.

+1 to this story. a read i enjoyed.

[Supertanker]

Deleted (if a moderator sees this post, please delete this thread).

[DeathSkull]

A delicious short story. Very good read, well written. If you ever do a story collection, I recommend including this one. ^_^

Thumbs up from me!

[CreatureofHell]

Nice! This chapter was little more fast-paced that the previous ones though which ruined some of the atmosphere. 

[your face]

I liked it.

[Supertanker]

Yes, I did make this chapter a bit faster than the others. The ending was meant to slap the reader in the face, make them think, "Uh, what?"
Suppose it worked a little too well...

[Bissig]

Yes, I did make this chapter a bit faster than the others. The ending was meant to slap the reader in the face, make them think, "Uh, what?"
Suppose it worked a little too well...

No, it is fine. That's how short stories are supposed to work.