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Author Topic: Tremulous Story: The Beginning of all.  (Read 6206 times)

Nova42

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Tremulous Story: The Beginning of all.
« on: May 12, 2009, 09:00:49 am »
Chapter 1:The Beginning

     The story begins in a planet near the sun.A group of marines and scientist have sent in there and they studied all about the planet.When they about going to the rocket, a little yellow creature :dretch: and a gray creature :granger: has got in the rocket.The humans :human: didn't noticed it and they went home. They first rocket by a satellite base named Tremor.The gray creature went to rocket airlock and it accidentally opened it.The gray creature and the yellow creature has thrown away to the satellite base. They got in the basement and the gray creature has vomited something black and it grew to an alien kind structure :egg: and more yellow creature and gray creature got out.....TO BE CONTINUED.

Created by: ME

Its not yet finished though, but this is my idea and I put some real map names in there too :)
I hope you like it after I finished it
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Jet~

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Re: Tremulous Story: The Beginning of all.
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2009, 12:51:26 pm »
Quote from: Nova42 on May 12, 2009, 09:00:49 am
Chapter 1:The Beginning

     The story begins in a planet near the sun.A group of marines and scientist have sent in there and they studied all about the planet.When they about going to the rocket, a little yellow creature :dretch: and a gray creature :granger: has got in the rocket.The humans :human: didn't noticed it and they went home. They first rocket by a satellite base named Tremor.The gray creature went to rocket airlock and it accidentally opened it.The gray creature and the yellow creature has thrown away to the satellite base. They got in the basement and the gray creature has vomited something black and it grew to an alien kind structure :egg: and more yellow creature and gray creature got out.....TO BE CONTINUED.

Created by: ME

Its not yet finished though, but this is my idea and I put some real map names in there too :)
I hope you like it after I finished it

Sorry to be a downer bro but this definetly needs improving on. Is english your first language ?
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mooseberry

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Re: Tremulous Story: The Beginning of all.
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2009, 06:05:03 pm »
There seems to be a large influx of trem stories now. While that is a good thing, this, I'm sorry to say, is not.
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Bissig

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Re: Tremulous Story: The Beginning of all.
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2009, 09:54:31 pm »
1. Grangers are GREEN
2. Sounds like a story for bedtime *yawn*
3. Sorry if I am being to harsh to a kid
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DeathSkull

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Re: Tremulous Story: The Beginning of all.
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2009, 05:38:45 pm »
Is this a story or is some guy just telling it to shoot the shit with some buddies? Needs a lot of work, buddy. More details, more characters, etc.
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Check out my Tremulous novella:
http://tremulous.net/forum/index.php?topic=11003.0

player1

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Re: Tremulous Story: The Re-Editing
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2009, 02:29:49 am »
also, plz note: show, don't tell
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mooseberry

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Re: Tremulous Story: The Re-Editing
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2009, 05:03:45 am »
Quote from: player1 on May 15, 2009, 02:29:49 am
also, plz note: show, don't tell

Truefax
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