not meaning to offend you tremz guys, but if you take a look at what you wrote from another perspective it sounds like you guys are one of those internet advert guys which are really... its hard to describe. Like giving a lot of reference links in one go.
For example, there's a random carpet/bed store in Australia called 'rugs-a-million' which i think got the world record for the longest closing down sail which they still haven't really closed. They say things like [not exact]
"Get them WHILE YOU CAN!" - uhh duh, closing down sale that lasts 5 years? No way!
"Only 75-99% OFF EVERYTHING!" - obviously worthless/no profit
"We're OVERSTOCKED!" - why the f'k did you buy so many then?
They also tend to use such thick fat capital letters that about 30 letters only fills the whole television.