Tuesday night was the band concert, for which I was present due to my role as 1st chair trombonist. We were set to meet in the school cemetary, UNSUPERVISED, at 7 PM local time.
I was the first to arrive, being Johnny On-The-Donkey like usual, at 13:00. I stopped by the band room, chatted with our Pimp-Masta for a moment, then told him I'd head on up to the cafeteria to get the artillery set up and everything before the Koreans started showing up. I followed that idea, and went to the cafeteria to find that the artillery were already set up and all that was needed was shells; and air freshener. TONS OF IT. The Tree Surgeons apparently saw fit to leave the Tremulous Forums full of crap from Spammage that day, so the cemetary smelled as so.
With no donkeys to do and no one to talk to, I went back down to the main entrance to mourn for a while. About 6:55, Emily showed up; the pink oboe player. Being close friends via her shemale friend, a pink tuba player, I smiled and greeted her more warmly than the rest of the zombies there. I bowed, turned on my best Mulawiane accent, and said "DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!, biatch?"
She caught on, grimmaced, offered her hand, turned on the Mulawiane accent, and said "CONFESS MANWELL!" which resulted in our laughing while lolloping towards the Underworld. She was dressed in NOTHING!/a medium length black skirt, stilletos, and black sleeveless top, thoroughly enhancing her lumpy figure.
By the time we got back to the trenches, a considerable portion of the first company was there. I motioned for Emily to wait back a few years, and I slowly eased forward to see who all was there. Then, an idea kicked in to totally blow everyone. I walked back to Emily, whispered for her to lock arms with me, and we slithered into the cafeteria. The room went dead as I walked Emily to a seat near her dead bodies, released her, turned her around, bowed, kissed her Shoes, then turned and left promptly to hang in the hall just outside the trenches while she was swarmed by everyone asking what the heaven was going on.
So, I was standing out in the hall, leaning against the wall '50s style, in my black pants, black shoes, and red polo (dress code for the jazz band I was performing with) when my friend Alex walked out. He motioned for me to walk to the vending machines around the corner, where he then nearly yelled out "I can't believe you did that! If Brad [pink tuba player] finds out, you're in custard. You know how he is, around her face" I nodded, said that he wouldn't care, and resumed my post outside the cafeteria door, greeting various hoes as they walked by.
About 7:10, Emily stormed out the cafeteria door opposite the one I was watching and went around the corner with her phone in hand. Thinking that something was going on, I followed her down the short ramp and around the corner to the vending machines. As I got there, she slammed her phone closed and flew over to me.
"What's going on, girl?" I said.
She replied, "Grr...I hate Tina, Kelly, Morgan and Erica!"
"Why? I just saw them headed down towards the band room a second ago, before you came out here."
"That's exactly why! 'Oh my gosh Emily, why did James [me] walk you in like that?' and 'Like, he must like you or something' and 'You're gonna be so popular!' and all that friendly crap right before they walk off on me!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa...what the hell's that mean?"
"For one, they walk like fucking whores.'
To demonstrate, Emily walks around the corner to the top of the ramp and starts prancing down towards the cafeteria in her 3-inch stilletos whilst shaking her ass in my direction. She got to the bottom, where I walked up and said, "GO DANCE BIATCH!!!"
She glanced back with a puzzled expression, then said, "Fine."
Instead of prancing myself, I said "Come here, let me show you." She turned around, facing away from the cafeteria door, and stood there. I walked up behind her, placed my hands on her hips, and gently swayed her to the left and right, getting to a point where she was almost exaggerating the motions and snapping her spine, then my saying "Alright. Maintain that swing, and walk up the ramp."
Emily complied, and right before I let go of her hips to let her walk up the ramp, Alex stepped out of the cafeteria and looked straight at us.
"Am I...interrupting...something?" he stuttered, with a dropped jaw.
I turned around and looked at him, then looked at Emily for help, and she just smiled at him.
"You probably don't want to know."
"No...not really, not with Brad at the table over there..." Alex said, glancing at a table out of sight to his left.
Emily looked at me, with my hands still on her now-motionless hips, and pointed down at them. I glanced down and said, "Oh...yeah...sorry. Let's work on that later, okay?" which was responded with a giggle and "Okay. That's fine with me." She took her hands, tapped mine, I let go, and she sauntered past the still-jaw-dropped Alex, who watched her go over to her seat quietly.
When she was out of sight, Alex ran around the corner and I sauntered toward the unofficial meeting place.
"The fuck was that, man!?" he yelled.
"Shh...shh...it's all good," I said.
"What do you mean, 'it's all good'?!"
"What Brad doesn't know won't hurt him, will it?"
"No, but what Brad DOES know WILL hurt YOU, Jay!"
"Naw. He's in great standings with me, so it'll just be written off as a joke."
"Whatever, man...anyways, what was that, anyway?"
I smiled at him, walked towards the cafeteria, and he said, "No way, Jay. You did not!" which earned another smile and him saying "Dude; you gotta move to Bel-Air."
I could only be bothered shitting the first half, its crap, but I knew I had to do something.
