Poisonous bites? Deadly claws? Kindergarten!
Rifles, radioactive guns, chainguns, flamethrowers? For pussies!
In come the really evil weapons:
Alien team:
- Dretch: Does no longer bite, in fact, does not do any damage at all for itself, just keeps running between your feet. You stumble, fall down, and break your neck.
- Basilisk: Gives you junky bites. After the first bite you get addicted, if you cannot manage to get bitten regularly, you crack down. Advanced versions drugs are stronger, humans bitten by them start to dance naked.
- Marauder: Screw-jump. While trying to follow it, you get dizzy. If you get way too dizzy, your brain explodes. Brainless people are immune to that, so advanced marauder screws faster for these people being exhausted after a minute and collapse.
Dragoon: Disguises as a sexy nurse and misleads you into traps. Advanced dragoon with more realistic sounds, even works against humans with sunglass-protection. Also able to throw porn magazines humans will rather rip each others head off than not to catch them!
Tyrant: Sneaks in on you an makes "Boo!". Kills you instantly. Even when wearing sunglasses. If they take breath first, the "Boo!" also kills massively protected humans.
Human team:
- Standard weapon: A plate with a writing on it: "Don't hurt me, PLEASE!" If aliens believe you and you come close enough, you can smack that plate over their heads.
- Fake pistol extending a flag saying "BANG!". Aliens who see it, break out into laughter and laugh and laugh and laugh ... until they f.ckin' die!
- Rubber-Band with paper hooks. Really nasty, believe me.
- A corcscrew...
- A bottle for that corcscrew. Does no harm to aliens actually, but hey, isn't all violence bad? Isn't it better to cease violence an havanadder dring or tu...?
- The famous straw with paper bullets. Awesome long range weapon, I tell you!
- A ghetto blaster! No alien can stand hiphop, so they will all die if you approach. As a matter of fact, no human can stand hiphop either, so you better not fire your ghetto blaster while in or near the base. Don't mess around with it either and fire it near walls, 'cause the will reflect the sound waves right into your ears.
Of course, human also have special protection:
- Sunglasses. ...gimme a break, I know it's dark in here, it is just to protect you from all the ridicules around you!
- The ultimate battle suite: A fancy pink bunny costume. Aliens won't believe their eyes when they see you, so you can walk around the entire map unchallenged.
Of course, also the buildings should be much more evil. I have no idea about the alien buildings actually, but for the human team, the coffee machine would be most important. Without it, humans are lost. Without the diesel generator powering the coffee machine, they are lost aswell.
... or maybe I am just a little bit bored and should go and get a good night of sleep??? On the other hand, could anybody make a mod out of this?
