Wanted to thank everyone for their support and their good reviews on TAC:WB and the other two parts of the first alien camp series. I am aware that Part 3 did indeed lack the humor of the other two, and I plan on adding more humor into the second series. Again, warning, blah blah blah bad language, blah blah blah twilight, etc.If you are new to the Alien Camp series, Refer to part 1, 2, and 3 of the first episode at http://tremulous.net/forum/index.php?topic=11703.0
Deep in the reaches of space, somewhere on the abandonded space station where the aliens and humans fought, there existed Dretch, who had a fear of touching the ground, Marauder, who fears everything (this includes digestive functions), Granger who had a positive and uplooked personality, Dragoon who got angry all the time, Tyrant who was the meatshie... errm... muscles of the team and took things too seriously, The egotistical Overmind who thought he was a god (Whereabouts unknown), and Basilisk who was absolutely insane (and admittedly had an interest in guro pornography apparently). It is more than 4 months after the big fight, enough time to relax and play some games. Marauder, Dragoon, and Tyrant were playing Giants Citizen Kabuto on a LAN free for all match while Basilisk was organizing the halls and Granger was building some more in the space station.Tyrant: Marauder you jackass! I WAS GOING TO USE THAT SNIPER RIFLE!
Marauder: Okay, okay, i'm sorry! PLEASE don't kill me!
Dragoon: Shut up tyrant, you hardly know how to play this game, let alone snipe.
Tyrant: That's not what you said when I no-scoped you earlier.
Dragoon: I no-scoped your mom in bed last night.
Tyrant: Wow, mom jokes, we don't even have mothers. The closest thing we have to a mother was that attention whore Overmind.
Dragoon: I wonder what happened to the Overmind.
Tyrant: last I heard, Basilisk wanted to talk to him or something like that.
Somewhere, floating in the deep reaches of space.Overmind: ...Hello?
In the control center of the space station, Granger adds an organized formation of Acid tubes, Barricades, and other things.Granger: There we go! Perfect!
Basilisk: Granger, have you seen a "Blue Folder" laying around?
Granger: No, why, anything important in it?
Basilisk: Well, there's some pictures...
Granger: Top secret pictures of the structured space station?
Basilisk: Well... Not really.
Granger: I need to know what's in it so if i come across it, I can-
Basilisk: Loli scat porn!
*akward silence*
Granger: Umm... Excuse me?
Dretch enters the room through the ceilingDretch: Hey everyone!
Granger and Basilisk: Hey Dretch!
Dretch: I've been looking for Overmind to make sure the tape was over its mouth, but I can't find him.
Granger: Yeah, it's unusual for him to go this long without the hallways echoing with his cries of attention.
Basilisk: I threw him out the air duct.
Granger: Wait... WHAT!?
Basilisk: He called me a skinny, gassy, jizz monkey, so I took action.
Granger: Ah, GOD! Who knows where he could be!
Basilisk: Relax small, fat, cuddly, green thing. So long as it lives, i'm sure everything's gonna be alright. He doesn't breathe air anyway.
Dretch: Well, i'm sure the sounds of Tyrant's nerd raging could drown out the nails-on-a-chalk-board voice of the Overmind. They're playing Giants Citizen Kabuto.
Granger: Is it fun?
Granger: It would be, but it has a small player-base.
Meanwhile, off in the distance in a giant space station drifting on patrol.
Random computer operator 1: Beta 56 is in check, 57 in check, 58 in check.... 59 is not responding to the check signal!
Commander Martha Hollins adjusts her outfit.Commander Martha: A cleavage-exposing uniform, fishnet nylons, science glasses... the Captain might as well throw clothing from Condom Kingdom at me and call me a hooker and save us all the trouble.
Random computer operator 1: Martha, get the Captain in here!
Commander Martha: I'd rather not.
Random Computer Operator 1: It's urgent, Station 59 is not responding!
Commander Martha: Dammit... *sigh* alright, i'll call the captain.
Commander Martha leans over to the microphone: Captain Douche, you are needed in the command center ASAP.
Random Computer Operator 2: Dude, look at Martha!
Random Computer Operator 3: You think she's wearing a bra?
Commander Martha: I hate my job with every blood cell in my body.
Captain Donald shows up out of a hallway with his pants down and toilet paper sticking to his shoe.Captain Donald: CAPTAIN DONALD, not CAPTAIN DOUCHE!
Random Computer Operator 1: Sir, station 59 isn't responding!
Captain Donald: Send the confirmation signal again, let me see for myself.
Back in the space station with Granger and Basilisk during mid-conversation.Granger: So anyway, he said that "There's a whale in the isle" and I had no idea what to make of it.
Computer Panel Beeping.Basilisk: KILL IT, KILL IT!
Basilisk jumps on the computer frantically, pressing all buttons, but accidentally pushes a red button.Computer: Distress signal confirmed.
Granger: What did that machine just say?
Basilisk: Russle Figgle Bird?
Back at the giant space station.Random computer operator 1: Sir, a distress signal was sent!
Captain Donald: Give it some time, could be a false alarm.
Commander Martha: Sir, i think that it should be addressed immediately.
Captain Donald: Now, now Martha. Acting too quickly will get us nowhe-
Overmind hits the windshield with tentacles whipping around.Commander Martha: ...
Captain Donald: ...
All random computer operators: ...
Random computer operator 1: ... It came from... station 59.
Captain Donald: I had not used the bathroom yet... but that helped me finish it. All units, set course to Station 59!
Random computer operator 4: Hey Martha, I dropped a quarter, could you pick it up for me? All sensual like?
Commander Martha: No dammit!
Back on the space station with Tyrant, Dragoon, and Maruder.Marauder: I just recently realized something. We don't have any didgets... How can we be playing a videogame?
Tyrant: Good point.
Granger speaking into the loud speaker: Is this the button Dretch? Alright. All aliens! We have a problem! More humans are heading this way! One has no pants on, the other has boulders on its chest, and the rest have shiny round helmets! They are going to dock within the next 3 days.
All of the defensive structures on the ship explode.Granger: ..
Basilisk: Makes ya wonder what happened to the overmind, doesn't it?
To be continued when i feel like it.The Alien Camp 2: Return of the humans (Part 2)The massive human vessel is no more than 15 miles away from Station 59. Granger is trying to create a new Overmind, Basilisk is still tiding up his corridor, Tyrant and Dragoon are keeping an eye on the entrance hatch, Dretch is in the vents keeping a look out for anything suspicious, and Marauder is going batsh*t insane from fear. Basilisk shows up to speak to Granger wearing a lovely purple dress and a pink bow on his head. Granger: Hey, basilisk, are you... feeling alright?
Basilisk: Well, for the first time in my life, I feel complete.
Granger: Why are you wearing a dress? How did you find one that fitted you to begin with? Nevermind that, how did you find a dress in an all-male videogame, in the middle of outer space?
Basilisk: This is my strategy. I will head into the human spaceship when it docks, and when it does, they will refuse to attack me because of my beauty and cute purple dress and pink bow. I will make my way to the control panel, push the self destruction button, and come in here all action-like, and make everyone some coffee.
Granger: I am sure that the explosion will be too close for us all to survive. and take the dress off please.
meanwhile In the hangar bay.Tyrant: Ya know what I want out of life?
Dragoon: You have a life? when did this happen?
Tyrant: Shut up and be serious, or i'll lunge myself at you and for some unknown reason, catapult 5 yards in the air.
Dragoon: Fine... what do you want out of life?
Tyrant: I want an army of Tyrants... We could dominate the universe.
Dragoon: Oh please, you ran like a pansy when the lucifer cannon blast flew in your direction. You'd dominate the universe at running all the time, next to Kenyans of course.
Tyrant: Are you an idiot, I took a lucifer cannon blast to the chest to save Basilisk.
Dragoon: Your point?
Marauder: Guys, lets just settle down, we were going to be considered a big
cliche'd cheesy happy family from what Granger said before... Remember?
Dragoon: *stares at Marauder*
Tyrant: *stares at Marauder*
marauder: OOOOOOOR, you can beat the living snot out of each other like you guys always do.
Tyrant: Increased regeneration rate, i can last longer than Dragoon's fat ass, which has probably already been ravaged by Richard Simons.
Dragoon: You wanna go!?
Mrauder: SHHH! you guys hear that?
A dead silence fills the room as a large metal grinding sound can be heard.Marauder: IT'S THE SHIP! We gotta run! I don't wanna die! I'm too annoying!
Dragoon: How can a ship docking against ours make sound, there's no air in space for sound waves to travel.
Tyrant: Nothing in this script-style forum story makes sense, just don't ask questions and get ready to fight whatever comes out of there.
Meanwhile on the human space station, Commander Martha is putting on her new "Uniform" that Captain Donald gave her.Commander Martha: Sir... what's the point of this?
Captain Donald: The pink bow and purple dress will serve as a distraction.
Commander Martha: A distraction? What for!?
Captain Donald: You see, the men are probably in a state of sexual frustration, so we're sending you out first to get their attention while we slip by.
Commander Martha: Are you suggesting that I act as rape bait!?
Captain Donald: No, eye candy... The soldiers and workers probably already have a searing hatred for me sending them there, so the first thing they need to see is you, so i can slip by.
Commander Martha: I'm not wearing this! I'd rather be fired from my eight-quadrillion dollar job than do this!
Random Computer Operator 8: Sir, we're preparing to dock the Millennium Falcon.
Captain Donald: That isn't the name of this ship, soldier.
Random Computer Operator 8: We all filled out petitions to name the space station either Millennium Falcon, Fruit Punch, or Spicy Beefstick.
Captain Donald: I voted for Fruit Punch.
Random Computer Operator 8: I chose Millennium Falcon.
Captain Donald: I count as the majority vote, and so does Martha.
Commander Martha: But i chose Millenniu-
Captain Donald: If you choose Fruit Punch, you wont have to wear the dress.
Commander Martha: I like fruit punch so much, that I want this ship to be named fruit punch so i won't have to wear a skanky dre- I MEAN remember the flavor.
Captain Donald: Alright, it's settled, Fruit Punch. Random Computer Operator 1, who's helmet suspiciously resembles a testicle, dock the Fruit Punch.
Random Computer Operator 1: Yes Sir Captain Falcon!
Captain Donald: Show me your moves!
Commander Martha: So far, I have seen several Lawsuits and copyright claim violations.
The humans dock the ship and the aliens get in their formation. As the hatch opens, who knows what will be expected out of the humans, and their Millennium Falcon Fruit Punch! Will the aliens greet them with peace and open arms? Will Marauder stop being a pussy? Will Commander Martha get her paycheck before she quits her job!? DEAR GOD THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME, I'M GOING TO GOUGE OUT MY EYEBALLS! Stay tuned for Part 3 of TAC2:ROTH!
The Alien Camp 2: Return of the Humans (Part 3)
With the aliens all ready to attack whatever goes through the docking door, the sound of alien growls, the flatus of Basilisk, and the wimpers of Marauder echo the hallways. They are prepared for another human attack.Basilisk: I'd like to make a confession before our battle guys.
All other aliens: What's that?
Basilisk: Well, you see... I never liked Marauder or the overmind. I have wanted to make Marauder a prison bitch for a while, and I hated the overmind.
All other aliens: Understood.
Marauder: Yeah, understo-wait what?
Tyrant: Speaking of the overmind, i wonder how the construction is working with the new overmind.
Dragoon: *Smiles*
Somewhere in the reaches of the ship, the newly born Overmind enables Granger to build defenses. Surrounding the overmind with an abundance of defensive structures, he places an egg on the ceiling while listening to the Overmind's non-stop rambling.New Overmind: So then i went to the mall with Crystal, her favorite color is clear, and then we met ken, oh my god ken is such a-
Granger: Yes fascinating.
New overmind: Oh mah gawd, you're not listening to me are you? Are you too good for me, is that it? Why don't you talk to me? Look at me when I speak to you!
Granger: God must really, really hate grangers.
Back in the main entry room, the aliens prepare for the door to open.Tyrant: The door is opening!
Basilisk: Wheee!
Commander Martha: *Pushed through the doorway* Dammit, i had better get paid double for this!
Tyrant: It's... skinnier than the rest.
Dragoon: For some reason, i am getting this strange feeling. I feel all fuzzy inside.
Tyrant: That's because you're gay.
Dragoon: Shut the hell up tyrant before i Spitball your ass!
Tyrant: You'll spit in my ass? Sorry, i don't swing that way.
Dragoon: You... UGH! little!
Commander Martha: What the hell!? What are you!?
Basilisk: I'm Alpha Kenny 1!
Commander Martha: Alpha kenny 1?
All aliens: *laugh*
Commander Martha: Oh very clever! Ha-ha! Are you going to eat me, kill me, or what? Where's the crew?
Tyrant: We killed them.
Commander Martha: Well you probably just saved my Virginity.
Captain Donald in the background: HAH! Martha a Virgin?
Dragoon: Hey... um... my name is dragoon, and I bounce a lot.
Commander Martha: Ummm... Hi?
Basilisk: Lets kill her.
Commander Martha: No wait! Humans are coming this way! All of them are perverse men! They deserve to die, just spare me!
Basilisk: Hmmm... Let Granger decide her fate.
Tyrant: Marauder is unusually silent. Check to see that he didn't die of a heart attack.
Basilisk: Hey, Marauder, KZ is behind you pointing a mass driver at your ass.
Marauder: !?
Basilisk: Yeah, he's okay. take her to Granger before the humans arrive.
After being escorted to the room Granger is in, she sees granger lying on the ground
frustrated.New overmind: So the Kareena became pregnant by her latino boyfriend, so that means she got knocked up by one of those cute latino boys, I've always wanted to go to latin america but i heard the water there is bad. Speaking of bad water, do you know why urine is yellow?
Granger: I'm going to find that tape-wait... who's this?
Marauder: Human! Granger! Im off!
Granger: *Stares at Martha*
Commander Martha: *Stares at granger*
Granger: Hi!
Commander Martha: Oh my God!
Granger: What?
Commander Martha: You're sooo cuuute!
Commander Martha: *Hugs Granger*
Granger: Not this again...
Back in the main entrance hall, the aliens and humans meet.Zen Kudoku: このフォーラムのスレッドの話は死にかけている！
Basilisk: I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY! DESU DESU LOL!
Captain Donald; F___ off Zen, nobody likes you! Attention aliens! This is your last chance to surrender!
Tyrant: Um... We were not given any chances before.
Captain Donald: Uh. *Consults nearby strategist* Okay! We will give you three consecutive warnings!
Dragoon: If they're consecutive then wouldn't that count as a single warning?
Tyrant: Not if we give our answer before and after the warnings.
Dragoon: Don't be a douche, you can't comment on something that you don't know what it is yet, and how can we say yes or no now if the consecutive warnings are already given?
Tyrant: Dragoon, shut up, you don't know what you're talking about!
Dragoon: What the hell? WHAT THE HELL!? Aren't you late for the short yellow bus? Don't forget your hocky helmet!
Tyrant: How about i give you three consecutive ass kickings, Dragoon?
Dragoon: I'll take the nearest pipe and shove it up your consecutive poop shooter if you don't shut up!
Tyrant: That makes NO SENSE!
Captain Donald: Uh.
Basilisk: Yeah they tend to argue a lot. I only argue with my penis sometimes, but it just whistles back at me.
Dretch: I'll speak for them. Listen, we would have happily shared the ship with the humans, but they were the first ones to show hostilities. We could have co-existed with the humans, who knows what we could have learned! It's not too late, we can still live together as a single community, side by side, friends of different species, we could even help one ano-
Captain Donald: Okay kill them!
All soldiers: *Open Fire on the aliens*
Meanwhile back at the overmind room.Commander Martha: You're just so adorable!
Granger: Uh. Yeah. Hey listen, the humans are on this ship aren't they?
Commander Martha: Yes.
Granger: We need you to tell them that we just want to live in peace. I mean hell, look at Marauder, the last thing we wanna do is have another fight on our hands!
Commander Martha: They won't listen to me, they're always too buisy looking at my chest.
Granger: Why?
Commander Martha: I have no idea why.
Granger: Then can you take me to them?
Commander Martha: Okay, but i don't know if they'll listen or not. They're not very intellectual.
Granger: Don't worry, i've had my share of unintellectual companies.
Martha: *Picks up granger, and runs down the hallway with haste*
Will Granger be able to talk the humans into a peaceful negotiation? Will Captain Donald obliterate the Aliens? Will I get away with writing this story with so many damn typos!? Find out in the next concluding chapter of The Alien Base 2: Return of the humans!The Basilisk Song:I want to be, the craziest.
Like no one, ever was.
To gas them is my real test
to kill them is my cause!
I will travel, across this ship!
Searching far and wide!
To make the humans understand!
The flatus deep inside!
BAS-I-LISK!
It's fun to me!
My gas will make them scream!
BAS-I-LISK!
Oh, it never ends,
i'm hidden in your vents!
BAS-I-LISK!
My gas hurts you!
Does this make sense to you?
You shoot me and i'll gas you!
BAS-I-LISK!
Gotta gas them all!
BAS-I-LISK!
