Well first you need a dead chicken, matches, kerosene, an empty keg, and the ancient bone saber of Zumacalis. First carve your e-mail address into the empty keg with the ancient bone saber of Zumacalis, and place chicken upside down on keg. Once the chicken is firmly in place, pour the Kerosene over the chicken keg and light it on fire with the matches.
Once completing all of the steps above, you must strip down to nothing but socks and do the cupid shuffle around the flaming chicken keg chanting "ARISE CHICKEN, CHICKEN ARISE...." Once the flaming chicken has been waken from his slumber he will be grumpy because the keg is empty, so you must take the flaming chicken out for drinks. Once buying the flaming chicken some drinks and some crisps (because one can not live only on drink) he will start to tell you a cryptic story about a man name Dej, a down and out backwoods man who barely made enough to keep his family nourished. You must find this man.
Once you have found this man, he will give you a map. On the map there is an X. At this X there is a cave. In this cave there is a key that goes to a safety deposit box. And in this safety deposit box is the answer to you question....
Good luck, Godspeed, and May the force be with you....
