I like to get drunk. Really, really drunk. And do dumb shit.
In fact, I'd like to share a story.
WARNING: Contains adult content.
I drank 1/2 of a jug of some shitty but powerful (easily 15% alcohol) wine my mom drinks. Not a bottle, mind you, a giant JUG of wine. Words cannot describe how low the quality of that wine is. Also, keep in mind I weighed about a 100 pounds.
I ended up puking red vomit all over the carpet in various places throughout the house. Then, I went downstairs and proceeded to make out with my mirror image, sitting on the sink, until I realized I broke an ornamental teacup. I grabbed it, thought "Oh shit, I'm screwed now" (as if they wouldn't notice the red vomit.) I then started crushing the teacup in my hand, which made me bleed like crazy. I realized that I needed to get rid of it, so I ran outside, completely naked, into the woods, where I tried to bury it. Got back into the house, and stuck my fingers down my throat until I vomited again. For some reason, I always do that when I drink too much. It sat down on the toilet, took a watery shit, then blacked out.
Couple hours later, my parents found me on the bathroom floor with a shitty ass. I had even forgotten to lock the bathroom door. I convinced my parents, while still drunk, that I wanted to sleep and took an Ambien, then took a Benadryl for my allergies. For some reason, this seemed to be a better idea than telling them I was drunk. For some reason, I never got in trouble. I honestly don't know why. It did take a while to regain their trust, though (which after regaining it I promptly destroyed.)
Moral of the story? Alcohol is bad, kids. Smoke pot instead.
