Shameless Plug

[Venkman]

Hey Guys,

Sorry I haven't been around for a while. I recently moved and still don't have the interwebz hooked up at my new place yet (fuck my Internet provider in their stupid mouth, that's all I'm gonna say.)

Anyway, Cracked.com recently turned a short script I wrote into an episode for their series, Agents of Cracked:

http://www.cracked.com/video_18280_friendly-fire-marshal.html

There's the link. If you guys could go watch it and maybe comment on how brilliant and hilarious it was. You could even throw around the word "inspired", if you felt like it. I mean, I'm not gonna stop you.

Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll see all of you guys in-game soon enough. Also, if it's any motivation to talk up my episdode, I'm also currently trying to pitch a t.v. pilot that contains a scene invovling an animatronic Basilisk (it's during a hallucination. I'm not pitching a Trem t.v. show, though how cool and copyright infringing would THAT be?)

[Pazuzu]

Oh holy shit. That was you?
This is why limits on +turrets are a bad idea. I'll have to settle for +1 for now.

[Venkman]

Thanks, Pazuzu. And if Cracked ever gets enough money to make my "Blood Sport meets The Wizard" spoof...

The plot of which involves a ring of Triad-funded underground arcades where the best of the world's most elite gamers gather to duke it out over a million dollar cash prize while risking their very lives in the process...

I'll be sure to name one of the badass Triad competitors Pazuzu.

[CreatureofHell]

Does that mean that if we give you great praise we get rewarded?

That makes it tempting to watch... 

[Venkman]

Well, Pazuzu has a special place in my heart simply because he's a good player who never minds giving feedback and his responses are usually purposeful (see: not trite and obnoxious),  and almost always entertaining. And considering how most people act on internet forums, that right there is enough to win my undying respect.

But, to answer your question, yes. If you verbally fellate my video (especially in the Cracked comments section), then I will do my best to immortalized your name for all time in the form of subversive online comedy.

[A Spork]

Haha, that was pretty good.
I loled a few times.


(Also, everyone knows that comedy is always better when cross-bred utensils are involved )

[Venkman]

(Also, everyone knows that comedy is always better when cross-bred utensils are involved )

The first thing that comes to mind is that scene from the Critic where Jon Lovitz is getting accosted by a disorderly fastfood mascot who waves such a utensil at him and says, "You don't wanna mess with me, man! I WILL spork your ass!"

Priceless.

In other words, I wholeheartedly agree and can't wait to start writing dialog that forces some scowling badass to introduce himself as "Spork" with a straight face.


So, what's the score, CreatureofHell? You ready to jump on the shamelss tit-for-tat bandwagon or do I have to go and find someone with a better arch-villain handle? Though, if I did end up using "Creature of Hell" for the villain, the name would probably have to be translated into it's Chinese varient. The literal version would be pronounced "Shēngwù chu  Dìyù", though the more accurate translation would probably be "Èrén chu  Dìyù"(Èrén is used specifically when describing a creature that is vile or evil.) And I feel I must warn you that, for the sake of comedy, I would probably end up writing the character as a 12 year-old Chinese schoolgirl who is also one of the highest-ranked and most feared players in all of P.A.C., or the "Purist Arcade Challange", which is what the Triads call their little underground club.

I can just see it now:
Our Western protagonists notice the Asian players, who are all full-grown tough-as-nails Triads, whispering to each other as a look of blatant dread washes across their faces. And all our protagonists can pick out from the Triads' hushed conversation is one phrase, repeated several times...

"...Èrén Dìyù?"

"Èrén CHU Dìyù!"

And that's when she turns the corner, 54 pounds of hate and disgust wearing a Hello Kittie backpack.


Now, you might be thinking, "...Wait. Didn't that Enter the Dragon spoof 'Balls of Fury' have a similar character in one scene?"

Well...

A.) Me and the guy who wrote that are simply pulling from the same well of 70's KungFu films and 80's action movies.

And...

B.)You know what? Fuck it. It's just one scene in a movie nobody even saw. I'm using it.

And Creature, if you really do have a problem with her being a girl just give me one of your aliases and I'll make that character so uber-badass, so riddled with chesthair and well-endowed that the mear sight of him naked makes it seem as though all other penises were just a figment of his junk's imagination.  

[CreatureofHell]

You convinced me to watch it and I found enjoyment in it. 

Do what you must in the interest of good comedy! 

[RAKninja-Decepticon]

Well...

A.) Me and the guy who wrote that are simply pulling from the same well of 70's KungFu films and 80's action movies.

do you know of the cinema-god-made-flesh, godfrey ho?

if not, i invite you to look him up.  you might want to start, as i did, with the masterpeice: "ninja terminator".  then try "ninja dragon", but for the all-star winner - "ninja: silent assassin".  if your eyeballs have not melted at this point, move on to "the power of ninjitsu".

oh, then look up "robo vampire".  trust me, that one's worth it even if you dont like ninjas.

[Pazuzu]

Now that I've gotten over the shock that A) Venkman wrote one of the best AoC episodes yet, and B) I don't come off as a complete douchebag to someone OTI, I'm genuinely interested to know how a robot can also be a vampire. I know the next movie I'll watch.

[Venkman]

You convinced me to watch it and I found enjoyment in it.  

Do what you must in the interest of good comedy!  

Awesome. I'm on it. And thanks for the view. The counter is up to almost 100,000 right now, so I'm pretty psyched.

do you know of the cinema-god-made-flesh, godfrey ho?

Actually, back in the day my friend Chan (who also exposed me to such cinematic classics as "Night of the Ninja" and "Chinese Super Ninjas") used to always talk about how awesomely bad his movies were. Apparently, Godfrey was such a terrible director that Chinese critcs eventually started refering to him as "Ed Woo" (very clever, those Chinese.) Anyway, now that you've reminded me of how badass his movies sound, I think I'll go pay Demonoid a visit and see if I can't dig up a torrent or two. "Robo-Vampire" sounds like a definite must-see.

B) I don't come off as a complete douchebag to someone OTI

I know how you feel. Between dealing with trolls and the difficulty of conveying sarcasm through text (not like people on the Internet are EVER sarcastic...), sometimes it can be quite difficult to post an opinion without sounding like a total dick. Especially when you're trying to tell somebody why they're wrong.

except maybe Tyrant, Dretch, and standard Dragoons.

I'm not sure about the rant, but an advanced goon's pounce is much faster than a dretch, and I think it's a bit faster than a normal goon. But is it really worth necroing this thread over it?

See, though, right there you commented on NexusForever's point in a reasonable way and THEN you light-heartedly mocked his necro. A lesser man would have probably just insulted the noob-post and not even bothered responding to his actual point.

Bitter and mean as I am, at least to someone who's known me tangentially for all of 2 days...

Plus, as a words-nerd, I gotta appreciate anyone who isn't afraid to bust out a ten-dollar adverb like "tangentially..." AND manage to use it correctly.


When I get to my 300th(?) post, I'll be sure to repay some of your +1s just for that. Until then, Pazuzu, stay classy. Because god knows no one else will.

[1337-Kynes]

I had no idea there was going to be another season! Well done Venkman, I thoroughly enjoyed this.

[Venkman]

Thanks, Kynes. And I saw your comment about me needing a raise. Very nice Even if said raise comes in the form of Cracked buying more of my scripts (which pays 3x as much as their articles), I'll be happy.

This is actually the last season of AoC. After that though, they plan on doing a new series together just with a different premise. I pitched them an idea for a series called Certian Doom which contained a synopsis for the P.A.C. story along with a few others like "When Leatherface Met Sally"...

Leatherface:
"I've never felt this way about a girl who wasn't, you know... suspended from a meathook."

And also a short sketch titled "Donkey PUNCH!"
(Say it like "Falcon PUNCH!" and you'll pretty much get the entire bit.)

Anyway, they seemed pretty receptive. Still, Swaim has a whole nother season of Does Not Compute to finish before they can make any real decisions about what to do next.

Also, Swaim just wrapped on a "Those Aren't Muskets" movie! Like one that's going to be in theaters. Pretty effin' awesome.

[RAKninja-Decepticon]

Actually, back in the day my friend Chan (who also exposed me to such cinematic classics as "Night of the Ninja" and "Chinese Super Ninjas") used to always talk about how awesomely bad his movies were. Apparently, Godfrey was such a terrible director that Chinese critcs eventually started refering to him as "Ed Woo" (very clever, those Chinese.) Anyway, now that you've reminded me of how badass his movies sound, I think I'll go pay Demonoid a visit and see if I can't dig up a torrent or two. "Robo-Vampire" sounds like a definite must-see.

unfortunately, my HDDs are shot.. i have the largest collection of ho on demonoid.  i possibly had the largest consolidated collection of ho available from one HDD on the entire Internet.

fortunatly, a few kind souls have been uploading the entire movies to youtube, and i did manage to get a few movies somewhat well seeded.

next month, i should be getting suitable space to rehost my ho (and reacquire it for that matter).  i'll be sure to share.

of, and for robo vampire.....

http://youtu.be/j3dHaWPska0

enjoy the masterpiece.

[Venkman]

Awesome, Ninja. Thank you for the link and just PM me when you get your torrents back up and running. I know a few people who will be more than happy to seed some Ho for you.

And sorry, Ingar, for having to move my thread here where I should have put it originally. It just seems like General Discussion gets more hits per day and I was desperate for views. Honestly, I appreciate you guys leaving it there as long as you did and I promise to not exploit your forum in the future unless it's for something equally as cool.

Also thanks for, you know, making Tremulous. I'm a pretty big fan.